* * SuSpEcTed ---- But FeaRed ---- TeArZ **

♥ Karl ♥ made me cry for the first time today

I felt like my life had been turned upside down.

My heart skipped a beat.

I was fighting tears I desperatly needed to shead.

I told myself I'd never cry again.

But looking into his eyes and knowing he didnt wanna look into mine made my heart feel shattered.

I love ♥ karl ♥, more than words can say.

Hes everything  I ever wanted in a guy. Everything about him makes me smile.

I'm scared my heart will turn into faded pieces.

"To know someone i gave my heart to
just tore my heart apart
a love that is endless
why did this love have to start
feeling the love i have for you
just rushes through my veins
why does love have to be so much pain" --- Amanda Perez

 I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want to feel like my love has to be proven, like I'm begging for a kiss, a hug, a moment that speaks louder than my heart.

Tears scare me, when I cried today, I realized he now has the power, the power to break my heart.

He gave me irraplaceable moments and a new part of my life that seemed better then the last.

After everything thats happened this year, He became the best thing that happened in my life. The one thing that turned my life around in a way I never imagined.

**** « Has your heart ever started skipping beats when you saw there faces in your dreams? » ****

All I want is for him to be happy.

Have you ever been so scared of something, so scared of just one thing, that thinking about it made you cry.

I keep looking into my past, thinking about what I felt like, what I felt like, when the one I cared for so much, was making me cry.

I want to know.... I want to know.... seriously.... what do you do, when the only person who can make you stop crying, was the one who made you start.

I can't exsplain how I feel for him, I can't exsplain how my heart beats when I think of him, I cant exsplain the way he makes me smile.

I can't put into words the smell he leaves on my shirt, the touch of his skin, the feel of his warm breath against my neck, warmth of his hugs, the strength of his grip.

<< >> WhEn EvEr He HoLdS Me. ~ :: ~I FeEl LiKe NoThInG cOuLd EvEr HuRt Me << >>

I feel like... I feel Like.. I'm still broken. Im still in millions of pieces and there is absolutly nothing I can do to fix it.

♥~:: .I WoKe Up ThIs MoRnInG, ReALiZiNg...Im NoT aMaZiNg. ::~♥

I've been holding onto something, something that I told myself, would fix me, would make me perfect for somebody, and then I'd finally realize, I'm perfect , for myself. But it didnt work that way. I didnt take Karl, and tell myself he'd pull the pieces together, I didnt say with him my life would be perfect. I walked into this without trusting ne move he made, I went into saying I wouldnt let him hurt me, saying he couldnt use me, saying that if he said he didnt want me, didnt need me, care for me, or if he ended up saying, once again that I was just a crazy bitch, it wouldnt matter. I feared it mattering. I feared the fact that I mite care what he thinks.

I hate caring what people think. Its filled with disapoint, filled with anger, lies, lust and millions of things that end up broke, one of them, being, ur heart.

I'm going to try to talk to him, tell him my fears, tell him I'm ultimately broken, but Im afraid that the effort of it all, will make things, fall apart.

♥ ~:: ¿I w0nDeR wHaT iT mEaNs WhEn YoUr HeArT sTaRtS tO SkIp BeAtS? ::~ ♥

I'll always be scared, things will never make sense, and for the rest of my life, I'll be drowned in medication I'm to scared to take. I'm losing everything, I always have been, I get something and before I even realize I have it, I lose it again. The grip I had on life, no longer exists and If I ever start to smile, I'll watch the lines on my face start to crack. The amazing thing in this all, is that before I went to the doctor, I cried, I cried constantly, cried my self to sleep, cried when I was confused, cried when I thought breathing was hard, but now, the last time I cried was when my head started to hurt cus of all the screaming, I began crying cus once again I was screaming something and no one would hear me, but this time, this time. I was REALLY screaming.

♥~:: I WaKe Up EvErYmOrNiNg WiTh A hEaDaChE, ThAt JuSt DoEsNt SeEm To Go AwAY ::~♥

WHY CANT ANYBODY MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE!!!!

I need to be okay, BUT IM NOT.

I want to look into somebodies eyes and tell them I'm okay and mean it.

I want to look into somebodies eyes and know they think I'm perfect.

I want to wake up, and actually beable to get outa bed.

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♥ ~:: I WaNt To BeAbLe To TeLl SoMe0nE My SeCrEtS ::~ ♥